Floccinaucinihilipilification.
It means the "act or habit of estimating as worthless", and it’s the longest word ever to be used in the House of Commons.

I have little to say, how sad is that, my life is rather empty like that. I have been catching up on letters and forgetting to post them so they get all battered at the bottom of my bag. Sorry everyone waiting.

Today I went shopping, miles away from where I live, and spent a grand total of £0. There was nothing that grabbed me, not even in the amazing book shop that I usually spend a fortune in.

I really want to finish my book but can only read about 10 pages without losing my train of thought with it...it's the way it's written, with little punctuation and no chapters, all in one big train of thought, makes it hard to know where to put it down and take a break.

Umm, no nothing else is coming to mind.

http://www.justgiving.com/JohnDyer1974
My man is working hard training for a half marathon for cancer. Please sponsor him if you can. xxx

Don't know if this works for anyone else, but even if not, it's a link I want to keep. If you've ever wondered who John is, look no further!
http://www.princes-trust.org.uk/about_the_trust/in_your_region/wales/case_studies/2011/emma_lewis.aspx

Banner made by dreamcullen

I'm pretty kind and nice, add me and I'll most likely add you back.

Just a note to let anyone who may be thinking about me or worrying about me that I'm ok, I'm holding up, I'm feeling as good as I can.  I do feel relieved that things are at least going somewhere instead of stuck in a damp hole of misery.  People have been very kind to me, sending texts, messages, comments on here, and two fabulous girlies did a lot to cheer me up last night too, involving much chatting and getting wrecked.  With my friend's love and support I can do anything.  It will all work out.  I will not feel this way forever.  Just focusing on different things, keeping active, and remembering not to be snappy or nasty to anyone (not that I am like that at all, but sometimes bad moods do this to people) is keeping me sane and moving forward.  Still no word on a housemate but people are asking round for me.  I ideally need someone who doesn't mind living with a hippy folky strange crazy weirdo.  I know it's a lot to ask.
Today I went and brought some smokes, and then cleaned the floors, and the bathroom, and did all my sister's laundry as her washing machine is broken.  Written and read a lot.  That Adrian-Mole-alike book is great, a real enjoyable read.  Every time I put it down I'm back to it in 10 minutes.  Not all of life is bad, I have so much going for me.  I'm just trying to remember that.
On other good news, my student that I worked 3 years with got a 2:2 for his degree.  I am mega proud and am going to graduation with him next month.
And I finally emailled about my Waxing Gibbous, and they said they were out of stock, so it hasn't gone missing.  Hopefully it'll be here Monday to give me a lift, or remind me in Malcolm's gloomy way that everything sucks for everyone.  Either way I'm sure it'll make me happy.  Focus on the good, not the bad.  That's the way to get through it.
It's my mum's birthday today, happy birthday mum! (Even though you don't read this, you'd hit the roof if you did!) and Happy Father's Day daddy for tomorrow too (who also doesn't read this but would be less shocked by the content).

My relationship is officially over.  It was a good nearly 4 years, while it lasted.  Now is time to sort my life out I guess.  Does anyone want to come and live with me?  I need to share my house with someone or I'll have to move out, and I love it here. 

Hmm, well, I've had a *great* few days.
No really, yesterday was alright.  I went to see baby Evie, and her sister Katie was there, and 2 children Denise looks after.  I ran round the garden about 100 times and generally played and pretended to be happy.  It's not the kid's fault I feel terrible after all.  When I got in I stayed up watching tv and finished Hannibal Rising at long last.  It was good at the end, all in all I enjoyed it.
Today I got up late because I went to bed late and I was knackered from looking after all those children.  I mopped the floors and had a tidy round, and then rang up about a job.  They were being all nit picking with me, and for no apparent reason I totally flew off the handle, swore and got upset and angry and felt useless and stupid, while at the same time felt like I was queen of the world.  Like, on the one hand, I know I'm over qualified to fuck for the work I do, and yet at the same time, I know I'm no good at it anyway.  I got over that thanks to Liam talking me down from my ranting, raging stress. 
I went to the library and got out two books, one that was recommended to me by someone on a website ages ago and one that looked up my street because the tag line on the front is 'if Adrian Mole had a sister...' (you should all know about my love for Adrian by now!) so I decided to get it out, and as I was taking it to the machine I realised there was a picture of Morrissey on the back!  Obviously I am totally the target market for such a book!  Can't wait to get stuck in to them, but I'm reading a point crime at the moment, so it'll have to wait 24 hours.  I picked it because it is topical as it's set at the tennis championships at Wimbledon.  When I opened it, I started crying because it says 'Happy 13th birthday Helen, Love Dad' in the front.  That was half my life ago.  How everything's gone so very downhill from there.  And it wasn't even any good then.
I've done bugger all else of note really.  There was a copy of Meat is Murder on 12" on Hollocks though, that made my day.  That's how shit my days are really!
So yeah, day of random anger and generally not having anything to do that actually feels worthwhile, same old, same old.  I don't know why I even update this thing - boredom probably - as I never have any news or decent stories.  Sorry people, remember to skip my entries next time.

Thank you to everyone who answered my post yesterday, really, I know I've thanked you all individually, but it really means so much.  I think a bit of kindness is all I need sometimes.  It means a lot that you're all there for me and care.  Thank you from the bottom of my cold dead heart.
Things are better for me today, I've been able to do things other than cry and distract myself.  My friends K, N and my sister came over yesterday night and we got wrecked.  I had to put on a mask and laugh and all that, but it was a great distraction and I got lots of hugs and it cheered me up.  Then I went to bed and had a long sleep and woke up in a better mood.  I dreamed the plot of a novel that was interesting.  Then I walked down the supermarket in the sunshine with L and spoke to my mum on the phone.  My poor dad's still in hospital, they won't let him out because his bloods are all up the creek and he's had a blood clot, so she's pretty annoyed and sad.  He'll be ok, and hopefully he'll be out tomorrow or something. 
I'm glad things feel better, I've been mostly hanging around the house, sweeping and writing and I did a wordsearch.  Just need something to fill up the days really.  Hopefully I'll get some work somewhere this week so I feel less bored and at a loose end.  I was brought up to believe that you always work, regardless.  I was never allowed days off school if I was ill, I had to go in unless I was so sick I really couldn't manage it, and both my parents always worked and never took a day off.  Now I feel guilty if I don't spend every day doing something like education or work.  I think it's why I clean so much when I'm off, because then I still feel like I'm working.  It's been driven into me from childhood.  Even as a teenager, I went to gigs and got drunk, but I could do whatever I wanted, so long as I was up at 6 to go to college the next day.  It's made me into a very committed worker but the guilt of having spare time does get too bad, it hurts.
Still haven't finished Hannibal Rising, been unable to concentrate the last few days.  I'll crack on this evening I think. Days are for working, evenings are for doing what I enjoy.
Nothing else to add really, life's the same old same old, but I do feel better, less tearful, less like the world is on my skinny shoulders and generally more able to cope with the pressures of life, and that's in part at least thanks to you lovely people, so many thanks.

Thought I'd come on here and have a moan, because, like, everything sucks.
Felt rubbish last night, had a good cry, it didn't help.  Watched tv in bed, fell asleep, woke up feeling a bit better.  Came downstairs to make a cuppa to find a bank statement in my porch.  Read it, got sad again.  Liam got up, started moaning.  More crying, more feeling terrible.  Texted a few people, tried to organise my friends to come over tonight so I can get wasted, have some hugs and generally feel better.  I believe in helping yourself when you feel shite and not just moaning about it.  Went food shopping with money I don't have.  Came home, hoovered, washed up, cleaned the bathroom, all that nonsense.  Got bored.  Attempted to read, couldn't concentrate.  Ditto with writing a letter.  Played Jeff's Crass Songs and realised I don't love him any more, it was only good when only I liked him, now everyone else does I can't be bothered.  I get selfish over my art.  Listened to Malcolm.  Felt sad over my lack of WG still.  Writing an email asking about my copy is beyond me.  Like, totally.  I get what I deserve.  No record.  No job.  No anything I want.  There is nothing left.  This mood will pass, it's just, at the moment, I'm at the end of my rope, where I deserve to be.

Reasons my life is a load of shite:
1.  My Malcolm album still hasn't arrived.  I'm beginning to think it won't come at all, as it's been a week, so I now have to find the motivation to email them and sort it out.  I can't afford another one.  I couldn't afford the first one but I had it anyway because I'm greedy and have nothing else I want to listen to.
2.  I'm bored.  I have very little work and even less money.  I can only clean my house so many times before it gets ridiculous.
3.  I don't even want to think about where I'm going to find £500 for rent and bills next week.
4.  I'm running out of cigarettes so am limiting myself to 'only when I really need one'.  This sadly doesn't correlate with when I fancy one.
5.  I'm miserable at home.  I want a partner that actually cares about me.  I want something back from this endless giving.
6.  I don't think I got that job.  They didn't grace me with a response even.  Nor the other 15 jobs I've applied for this week.
7.  I can't fix the misery that everyone I know seems to be drowning in and it's so frustrating.
8.  I wrote a poem and it's a massive load of bollocks.  I can't write for shit.
9.  The raspberry and peach tea I'm drinking looked nice in the supermarket but is actually horrible.  Got 40 bags to get through now.

Reasons my life is good:
1.  Talking to lovely people on MSN has really cheered me up.  Thank you to the two ladies, you know who you are.
2.  My blood results are normal.  I don't have to take any more pills.
3.  My cats love me.  Well, someone has to.
4.  Baby Evie is beautiful.
5. I got a package from Monica with a letter and an ace film in (cheers love, you're a star!)
6.  The house is clean.
7.  My friends are supportive and understanding and don't hate me.

There's probably more, but right now, that's all the stuff going round in my crazy head.